“You get tested the most when it’s time for you to elevate. Do not break.”
Ambitious. Over-achiever. Most likely to succeed. These are characteristics that I always saw in myself.
The baby girl of married parents with two older brothers, I knew I would reach great heights. Always raising my hand. Always assisting teachers with the school store, breakfast and lunch duties, as well as being a student tutor.
When I envisioned my future, I called myself “The Black Lisa Ling” as I admired her tenacity and strength in investigative-reporting. I knew that would be me on television reporting hard stories and being accoladed as an astounding journalist.
I graduated from high school with a full-ride scholarship to The Ohio State University through the Young Scholars Program, planning to pursue my degree in Journalism Broadcasting. It was something that I always wanted, and as a first-generation college student, I wanted to make my family proud.
So many things changed when I found out that I was pregnant a month before my first day of college.
I was extremely terrified and disappointed. How could I put myself in such a sticky situation? My widowed mother was nothing short of supportive in asking “Will this affect your scholarship?” I shakily answered, “I don’t think so,” as I continued to vigorously sob.
My father had passed when I was six years old so I knew the struggle of growing up without a father. After enduring mental and emotional abuse outside the home, I didn’t want my daughter to experience it, too. I was introduced to the ACCESS Collaborative Program at The Ohio State University, but my grades suffered tremendously my first quarter, and I went through an excruciatingly long process of trying to keep my scholarship.
I was introduced to counseling, which allowed me to tap into healing childhood traumas that I never spoke about. With the support of other college mothers, a passionate counselor, and a strong determination, I was able to keep my scholarship, graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Communication, and set an example for my daughter.
“Self-care saved my body. Self-care saved my soul”.
As I navigated life after college, I was met with work denials that truly affected my self-esteem. Here I was a college graduate, and I couldn’t find a decent job. Low-pay. Government assistance. I saw myself up against racial disparities and biases as well as sexism. There were days that I didn’t want to move or get out of bed.
I didn’t want to subject myself to negative work conditions and treatment. I began to accept that my path was my own and allowed myself to tap into my gifts, but the tragic death of my daughter’s father sent me back reeling into a confused state of mind. My daughter was sharing my tragedy of losing her father at six years old.
Three months later, the untimely death of a close friend jerked me back into a dark state. The series of unfortunate events that continued to occur brought disturbing thoughts. I remembered that through it all my daughter was watching me, and I knew I had to work on breaking the cycle.
I found myself back in counseling and unexpectedly reunited with my first counselor. I learned more about myself than ever before. I had overcome great trials yet I still felt inadequate. I knew that depression and anxiety wasn’t who I was but it was consuming me and I had to find a way to manage.
I remembered my love for writing, and I forced myself to go to writing workshops. I remembered my love for painting, and I forced myself to go to events that allowed me to express myself through art. I reconnected with nature. I was going to beat the stigma.
“Celebrate yourself. Nobody knows what it takes to be you.”
December is my birthday month, and every year I like to reflect on my achievements and short-falls. I always enjoy this season not only because I enjoy spending time with family and friends, but also because it symbolizes transition.
While I’m not the biggest fan of “New Year’s Resolutions,” I am one for accepting change. I have been through many transitions in the past five years alone, and with each one I continue to elevate.
I have learned to allow my life to flow with less worry. I have worked in many different fields and as a millennial, it’s time to embrace that we are not one thing. We are multidimensional with many talents and trades.
I always thought that by this point in my life, I would be a big-time journalist living in different countries and traveling the world. Who is to say that I won’t achieve that?
As a current Program Coordinator with Perinatal Outreach and Encouragement for Moms (POEM), I am able to work with mothers and birthing persons in navigating motherhood while also navigating their mental health.
I am a former English Language Arts teacher who assisted children in learning how to read.
I am a journalist every day.
I am a member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated every day.
I am a mother, artist, teacher, daughter, sister, auntie, and advocate, every day.
If there is anything that I would tell my younger self, it would be, “Embrace the highs and the lows. Embrace change. Embrace who you are. There is no one like you.”
