Name: DeLana
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers
Snapshot: DeLana is a wife and mother who has struggled to juggle motherhood, a full-time job, and preserving her mental health. She shares how her mental health took a major toll due to a toxic work environment, pregnancy, and the pandemic. She also recounts how she improved her mental health through therapy, medication, and giving herself grace.
How were you connected with POEM Rise?
My OBGYN referred me to POEM Rise during my pregnancy, as I was experiencing depressive symptoms. After news of medical diagnoses and challenges with my health, along with stress of work and the pandemic, I was struggling to cope.
Tell us about your pregnancy and postpartum journey. How did your experiences impact your mental health?
My depression actually began about 4 years ago. I had some major life changes all happening at once that really heightened my pre-existing anxiety. Then, major challenges with my work really had the greatest impact on my mental health, my confidence, and ability to cope with stress. I was able to leave that toxic work environment, but the effects still carried on. When the pandemic hit – staying home, being unable to visit family, and feeling stuck – I began to digress further. I felt a lack of motivation, unable to sleep, overwhelmed very easily, crying all the time, feeling worthless and unworthy of any praise; and I felt like nothing I did was good enough. Just a lot of feelings. Then, when I got pregnant, in the middle of the pandemic and with my hormones all out of whack, it exacerbated all of those symptoms!
Were there any forms of support you found beneficial to you in your journey?
I did seek out the help of a psychiatrist for medication management, after my PCP offered meds as a treatment option. I agreed because I got to the point that I was not able to function properly. I had a 3-year-old at home to care for and was pregnant with other medical issues arising, so I needed something to help immediately. I also sought out therapy from a counselor. When Rise support groups were suggested to me, I began attending the Monday evening zoom group meetings. This became one of my favorite days of the week (and I hate Mondays), but it was comforting to be in the presence of other Black moms sharing our experiences and supporting each other. This was a new experience I had never had before. I also have a very supportive husband that has been gentle and understanding with me – Thank you Terence; you’re amazing!
Are there any words of wisdom or encouragement that you’d like to offer other birthing persons?
Postpartum was easier for me, which was a nice reprieve! When my hormones regulated back to normal, I was able to process and cope a lot better. I have since gone off the medication, but still check in with my therapist regularly. The past year with the new baby and my now 4.5 year old, I learned how to care for both of them without feeling too overwhelmed. I have learned to give myself more grace. For example, if the house isn’t perfectly clean, so what?! If I didn’t empty the dishwasher for a night, who cares?! I try not to stress myself out over these small, insignificant things, that I was (for some reason) hinging my personal worth on. The one thing that has stuck with me and that I practice daily is making myself recap what I have accomplished for the day vs. the things I have not done. So if I put one load of clothes in the washer, that’s a success! If I cooked a meal for the family, that’s a success! If I took a day to rest, binge-watch a show, nap, and play with my girls, guess what, that’s also a success! Focusing on what’s positive and not only on the negative. That is easy to say, and very hard to do! But it is doable. This process takes time, and even though we always want to have a quick fix, overcoming depression isn’t quick. As I’ve mentioned, for me it’s been about a 4-year process. I am at a point where I’m feeling good, doing well, and able to apply the strategies and things I’ve learned into my daily life. There are still days when I feel crappy and cry and just want to lay in bed and do nothing, but it’s okay. I lean into those feelings, assess what is causing it, let it happen, and I’m able to move on. Trying to suppress the feelings and acting like I’m fine when I’m not just makes the recovery harder. I also ask for more help now, instead of trying to do it all on my own. Lastly, I try to remain grateful for the amazing things I do have in my life. My two Fairies, as I call them, are my heart and joy. They love me unconditionally and they don’t care if mommy doesn’t wear makeup or get dressed. They don’t care if mommy didn’t clean up everything today… all they care about is me. To them, all of me is always enough! So I play with them, we snuggle on the couch, and we watch a show/movie together. And seeing their smiles, knowing they are happy and cared for… that’s what’s most important!
