Name: Turquoise
Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs
Snapshot: Turquoise was about 10 weeks along and expecting their first child at the onset of the pandemic; they shed light on how a lack of LGBTQ+ inclusive and gender-affirming resources and Anti-Black medical care further exacerbated isolation. Their physical pain was compounded by the emotional trauma of birth, and their mental health suffered as a result. Read the full story to learn how Turquoise navigated a diagnosis of Postpartum Anxiety and Depression and found supportive spaces to assist in their journey.
How were you connected with POEM Rise?
I found POEM Rise at Franklin University’s Student Resource Center.
Tell us about your pregnancy and postpartum journey. How did your experiences impact your mental health?
With my first gestational period (pregnancy), I felt very isolated as the pandemic began and I was approximately 10 weeks along. The isolation was further exacerbated by the lack of LGBTQ+ inclusive, gender-affirming/respectful, or compassionate care and resources. My delivery was relatively smooth, but I experienced racial microaggressions during my care, as my spouse is White and I am of mixed Afro-heritage. I was diagnosed with postpartum preeclampsia and had a post epidural headache. The physical pain was compounded by the emotional trauma of birth itself in addition to Anti-Black, Anti-miscegenationist (against interracial couples, families, and mixing of “races”) remarks made toward my spouse and I.
My mental health suffered immediately. After several months of utilizing online resources to self-soothe and practice mindfulness, I spoke to my family doctor about my feelings, performed diagnostics, and was diagnosed with Postpartum Anxiety and Depression.
I knew things were bad when my sleep was impacted. I found myself feeling self-loathing, rage, and even anger toward my infant. I was losing track of time and experiencing disconnection from my own body while chest-feeding (breastfeeding), as well as frustrated by the complications imposed by my blood pressure on my ability to feed and my former employer’s failure to provide me privacy and pumping time — despite being a “women’s services nonprofit.”
I was regularly triggered back to my own childhood trauma and knew I ultimately had to put together a plan of action for my own well-being and that of my family.
After experiencing successes with medication, I began sleeping better and feeling relief; I decided I wanted to return to school and in doing so, discovered POEM via student resources.
Since then, I’ve also gotten a referral to a local therapist and have been counseled every week for the past six months with enough success that I’ve moved to only meeting once every two weeks. I attend the weekly Rise support group meetings, and I’ve established connections with accepting and supportive like-minded parents. For me, this was critical because I am not a native to this city or state. I’m also a HUGE introvert despite my relatively calm exterior during group presentations.
I’m expecting my second child, due 10-11-2022, and POEM has helped me prepare for his/their arrival in an invaluable way.
Were there any forms of support you found beneficial to you in your journey?
Referral to a Medicaid accepting therapist, the weekly meets and the heartwarming connections made there, and the weekly phone calls with my POEM mentor/friend Raquel!
Are there any words of wisdom or encouragement that you’d like to offer other birthing persons?
Words of encouragement — there may not be a single person with your exact identity (I’m a female-born person who identifies as non-binary and bisexual but married to a cis heterosexual man) working in a space to represent you, but there are people in the mental health field who want to understand and are still capable of helping you through your journey to wellness or establishing a system of support. You won’t know what’s possible until you enter the room and you’re always worthy of that space and the support.
