Content warning: Some or all parts of this reading may be triggering.
How were you connected with POEM Rise?
I was connected with POEM when my husband noticed I was struggling with postpartum depression and asked our doula for resources. She directed him to RISE and he shared that with me.
Tell us about your pregnancy and postpartum journey. How did your experiences impact your mental health?
I didn’t expect pregnancy to hit me so hard mentally. I was excited about the journey. I had prepared myself as much as possible, despite being in a pandemic. I had struggled with depression and anxiety way before pregnancy, but was actually feeling pretty good. I hired a doula, took hypnobirthing classes, read up on as much as I could and created a birth plan. I knew that things may not go exactly how I wanted it, but what hit me hard was that most of what I wanted went out the window. After 24 hours of labor, my son’s heart rate started to drop and we began an emergency c-section. The pain of a “failed” birth plan started to sit with me, and even though I birthed a healthy baby boy, I was hurt. Postpartum seemed to come with even more troubles. I was isolated. The pandemic meant no visitors. I was feeling mom guilt because I didn’t bond right away with my son. He was tongue tied and lip tied, so he had trouble breastfeeding, which was something that I really wanted to do. I just remember being in a daze and so angry. I entered a dark space and didn’t even know it. It was an odd feeling because I felt as if I shut my own self out of my mind, like I didn’t even exist.
Were there any forms of support you found beneficial to you in your journey?
One of the many things that helped me on my healing journey was that although my mom lives in Kentucky, she quarantined herself and came up to help me for a week or so. That meant the world to me! My mom really took care of me and my family. My husband was also a great support because he knew when I truly needed help and fought for my mental health more than I could. My in-laws were happy to love on the baby while my husband and I got some much-needed rest. Therapy was wonderful but honestly, the peer-support groups with RISE were my saving grace. To hear other people’s stories, share with community, and get the encouragement I needed really helped me through so much of my postpartum depression.
Are there any words of wisdom or encouragement that you’d like to offer other birthing persons?
If I could give any advice to someone struggling at the moment, I would say to remind yourself that you are good enough for your child and what they need because the child comes into the world loving you unconditionally. The journey may not be the way you want it to be, and it may be difficult, but it’s okay to mourn that journey, even when you make it out! Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself and your baby and trust those instincts. Advocate for your autonomy, your peace, your understanding, and your safety because you deserve it.
