Moms need nurturing, too.
You may know what it’s like to feel “down” or “blue” on occasion. But even though we may refer to such moods as “being depressed” it doesn’t come close to reaching the depths of despair associated with clinical depression or a mood/anxiety disorder. The good news is that the healthcare community has greatly improved its understanding of pregnancy – postpartum depression and related disorders, leading to new and effective treatments. Whatever form your loved one’s illness takes, the following guidelines will help you get through the difficult times as well as helping you support them.
Don’t Blame Them for This.
Many people think, “There’s no reason for them to feel this bad. I wish they would just snap out of it!” This reaction is neither unusual nor difficult to understand. It’s hard for us to think of a mental illness as a disease because we can’t see any physical cause for the problem – no fever or tumor. Nothing would show up on an x-ray. But what they are experiencing is real. It happens because of imbalances in certain brain chemicals that can be triggered by all sorts of events, which may be pregnancy or childbirth.
See the Person Beneath the Symptoms.
Remind yourself of the person they were before they became ill, and point it out to them as well. Don’t assume they know you love them – tell them. Many women feel unlovable and need to know that their partners and families are going to stay with them.
Encourage Treatment.
Sometimes the toughest task is getting them to accept that they can’t deal with this alone. Mood and anxiety disorders are not typically illnesses that can be cured quickly. If your loved one has already started on a course of medication, therapy, or active in group support, let them know that they’re doing the right thing and ask how you can help.
Get the facts.
Don’t rely on your existing knowledge of pregnancy or postpartum illnesses as your guide for how your loved one is feeling. The media has often distorted the reality of this disease. Ask for information from a doctor, hospital, library or contact POEM.
Get Support for Yourself.
Helping a loved one through this takes time, energy, and a strong ego. Many times offers of help are met with a frustrated, “I don’t know how you can help!” response. This is common. You should have an outside resource of your own to call if you need to vent, whether that is a friend, family member, or a skilled professional. It is important, however, that your partner feels comfortable with the individual you choose for your own support.
Remain Hopeful.
The recovery rate for this type of illness is very high. Moreover, women frequently report that when they emerge from the illness, their appetite for life is greater than before they were sick.
Resources for family members:
Links
Contact POEM
If you are looking for resources in your area or just need to talk to another mom or birthing person who understands, our mom-to-mom support line is available Monday-Friday during regular business hours.
